Oct. 21st, 2013 08:23 pm
krystale: (Default)
[personal profile] krystale

Captain Crunch tastes like victory to me, even some of the better generics now and then. Puffy squares were gold and when Crunch Berries were included, they were jewels.

My beginning wasn't very nice, relative here are months of starvation and IV nutrition; even at one point being in with the preemies despite being born at a healthy weight.
Time continues a little bit and things change a bit, but hunger drove tiny toddler me to hunt her own food.
I can remember the spinning cereal cupboard in the corner of the kitchen counter, the wood panels, beige linoleum flooring. I can remember the texture of the floor although I can't imagine how I can remember so far back.

Somehow, after a bit of trial and error, I managed to get a box of Captain Crunch out of the cupboard. I was small enough that the box seemed to be as big as me. I could hug it and it took all my arms to do so. The bottom seemed to fill my whole lap, thanks to the bulk of a diaper and baby short thighs. When a half dozen pieces of cereal fill your hand, a box seems like starvation salvation.

The cereal was sweet, but the victory was sweeter; finding my own food made me feel safer. It's a feeling I remember, but to this day, seldom achieve. My feet stuck out and I wiggled my toes. I felt like I was smiling, but even if I'd picked the right expression, something also seldom achieved to this day, I doubt anyone could have been able to tell around the crunching.

We don't have language that describes feeling well, so we've had to learn metaphor. That cereal, leaning against those cabinit doors with me, felt for me inside just the way it did later in life to sit back and look at something I'd decorated if there was nothing to fix.

Mission accomplished.
Deep breath.
Big smile.
It's like hugging yourself.

Now I eat them with milk, because my friend Kathy is right, they hurt the roof of your mouth if you eat too much. With my tendency to over eat, it's not a bad thing.

But I still can't NOT smile, even if I try, when I eat them. They stay pretty crunchy even after a while and I can bonk them back under the surface of the milk and take my time and giggle about it all.

They say hope floats.
My Captain Crunch floats.


krystale: (Default)

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